So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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