the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
