Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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