the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have started to decorate penises.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
