I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
