True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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