smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
