obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
