i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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