Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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