I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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