New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
