what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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