are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
