if you like me you must not know who I am
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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