I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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