i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
