I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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