whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
