Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My life is pants optional.
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