i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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