suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
