Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize