You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
