For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
