Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Bring me that man meat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
