She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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