It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
