I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
