I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
