i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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