No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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