Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
