her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
