You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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