You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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