We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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