I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
