Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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