420 ftw
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
