U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
