I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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