I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
