keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
