Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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