STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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