I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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