Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
