i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I look better un-naked...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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