if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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