Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
