wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
